To All The Veterans Out There

Thank you for the great sacrifices made throughout our country's history! To those who gave their live we would not have the many great freedoms we have today if it were not for their selflessness. To those who have been fortunate to come back from war and hug and kiss their families we are forever as greatful to you as those who have died serving, the things you see and do for those you do not know requires strength that I and many do not posses to do what you do. For these things I will forever honor those who serve no matter my feelings on the war at hand. I cannot express my gratitude enough to the many heroes who walk among us and who have fallen in war.
Veterans are dear to my heart, close in my family, and forever held high in my eyes. To my great grandfather who has recently passed, his service in WWII will never be forgotten. To my brother, his many deployments during this War on Terror, in Cuba and Iraq. To my Uncle Brian who served during both Desert Storm and the War on Terror. To my Great Uncle Donny who served in Vietnam. And to many other men in my family who have served in a branch of the military and served their country in other ways other than war, nevertheless are they just as important. I thank God for the family of servers I have been given and for the wonderful and dear opportunity I have to be related to such selfless sacrificing servers of their country.
In rememberance of all our heroes, THANK YOU! You will never be forgotten. God Bless!

Do It Anyway

Here's the song I was looking for by Martina McBride

"Do It Anyway"

You CAN spend your whole life buildin'
Something from nothin
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway
You CAN chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anywayI do it anyway
This worlds gone crazy
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all YOUR heart
For all the right reasons
And in a moment they can choose to walk away
love em anyway
God is great but sometimes life aint good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah I do it anyway,
YEAH, You can pour your soul out singin'
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yeah sing it anyway,
YEAH, YEAH
I sing
I dream
I love anyway, yeah.

God's Will

Things have been extremely stressful lately, everything that could happen basically has... anyways I am not complaining about it because I truly believe that God has given me such peace in my life at this time that the stress of everything is not overcoming my spirits or my faith. He is great and has both taken away and given me so much and I could not have more faith in Him than I do now. I am truly at peace with life in spite of all the negative in life right now. And I do believe that a LOT of the peace He has given me has come from the sweet sweet supportive man that He brought into my life nearly 8 years ago, I would not be the person I am today if it were not for this wonderful man.

I leave you with the lyrics to a Martina McBride Song "God's Will" (it's not the one I was looking for but fits well)

I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves
It hid the braces on his legs at first
His smile was as bright as the August sun
When he looked at me
As he struggled down the driveway,
it almost Made me hurt
Will don't walk too good
Will don't talk too good
He won't do the things that the other kids do,
In our neighborhood
[Chorus:]
I've been searchin', wonderin', thinkin'
Lost and lookin' all my life
I've been wounded, jaded, loved and hated
I've wrestled wrong and right
He was a boy without a father
And his mother's miracle
I've been readin', writin', prayin', fightin'I guess I would be still
Yeah, that was untilI knew God's Will
Will's mom had to work two jobs
We'd watch him when she had to work late
And we'd all laugh like I hadn't laughed
Since I don't know when
Hey Jude was his favorite song
At dinner he'd ask to pray
And then he'd pray for everybody in the world but him
[Chorus]
Before they moved to California
His mother said, they didn't think he'd live
And she said each day that I have him,
well it's just another gift
And I never got to tell her, that the boy
Showed me the truth
In crayon red, on notebook paper, he'd written
Me and God love you
I've been searchin', prayin', wounded, jaded
I guess I would be still
Yeah that was until...
I met God's Will on a Halloween night
He was dressed as a bag of leaves

Stop Signs, Cops, and Court...

Due to the mere fact that I was on my way home from work but not before going by the KCSOS office to get a new substituting credential and going by the store to pick up a couple necessities and stamps, I really really had to pee, and I hate using public restrooms...On my way home listening to the radio as always the new Carrie Underwood song, It's just a Dream, or something like that was on, super sad and me with slightly teary eyes plus holding in my liquids from the day I made a "California Stop" at the stop sign around the corner from my house... Aren't these legal?! They have a name that is especially for us Californians! Well apparently the cop on his motorcycle does not agree with my theory unfortunately, however me so dumb struck by the fact that this is the FIRST time I have ever been pulled over by a cop in my 6 years of driving I was unable to plead a case and simply thanked the man when he handed me my ticket with my court date written on the bottom. Yes, you read that right, I thanked the man! What else was I supposed to say? Up Yours, no one was around besides you, which by the way you were hiding very well! Frusterated and in tears I put the car in drive, put my blinker on, and drive the last 200 yards to my house and went to the bathroom. So needless to say I will NEVER make my loving California Stop again, because apparently the have the same things I tell my students, "Eyes in the back of their heads" oh yes and my students believe me!

One converstation on "eyes in the back of my head" with a kindergartener in the class I am student teaching:

girl: "Guess what!"

me: "what?!"

girl: "Mrs. Jensen has eyes in the back of her head!"

me: "I know! and guess what else."

girl: "What?!"

me: "so do I!"

girl: "REALLY?!"

me: "Yep"

girl: " wow, I didn't know that and you can see from them like her?"

me: "yes I can"

I so love the innocense and gullibility of young ones, I remember being on the receiving end of it, still am sometimes!

After 18 Long but Worthwhile Months...

I am FINALLY considered a college graduate! Yes even though I walked across the stage in a cap and gown and moved that tassel from the right to the left, 2 months ago, I am now officially finished with all my courses for my BA!!! YAY! The fact that I still have almost a year to go on my teaching credential is another story, or blog, but I, along with the other 11 I've been in school with, have completed our weekly Tuesday night courses as one cohort and are moving on to bigger and better things! Although this brought some sadness, due to the fact we will no longer sit in the exact same seats as we did when we started February of 2006, or have pizza once every 5th Tuesday, thanks to my group and our unwillingness to cook, except for the amazing last supper, per say :) Anyways it was bitter sweet, but the chocolate fountain wasn't!

So anyways, thank you to all who have supported me and stuck by the craziness of school! I have made one huge step and still have another ahead of me, but slowly it is becoming smaller. There will be a day when I no longer have to do homework, I'll just be the one grading it!

Vacation or NO Vacation...That is the Question...

There never seems to be enough time in the day to get everything done. Just when the homework assignments seem do-able the weekend class only worth 1 unit appears and out pops 6 more rediculous assignments. I mean really we spent over 10 hours in the classroom in a day in a half doing all hands on in class assignments, all very beneficial and worth it, but come on for 1 little teeny tiny unit, there are at least an additional 6 or 7 hours of homework?!

Well I am supposed to be gone for almost a week with Matt and his family to Disneyland and all the parks in that area next week....hum can I say this will most likely be a vacation filled with homework and very little fun? And this is not to mention the 30 minute presentation along with the 20 page research paper I have yet to complete let alone figure out which direction I want it to take me... Stress is not the word for what I am feeling right now, very overwhelmed, close...

Age

How is it that so many things are affected simply by your age? I always thought that going straight through school was a good thing but yet all those who are older than me view me differently... Many reasons come to mind when I think about this: I don't have the same life experiences as them? (Well then we can compare, gaurentee you don't have the same life experiences as I do!) I'm not married... well been with my guy for over 7 years, that doesn't count? I don't live on my own (YET) well I've supported myself for the past 5 years, that doesn't mean anything? I never got drunk...well sorry that I remember my highschool years! I don't have children...really I didn't know that! but I thought the point of school was to get through it BEFORE starting a family....my mistake...anything else I'm leaving out? anyone want to add what it is that seems to always set me apart within my class? Because I would really like to know, it's really getting old! So sorry for being RESPONSIBLE I guess everything comes with its pitfalls, this one though seems to have followed me for years, and perhaps it always will...

Reevaluations

There are times in our lives when there are sudden drastic changes that are just too overwhelming...when those times happen we need to evaluate who and what are most important to us and cling to those and forget about the ones who are trying to control us based on their own wants and needs. We've all hit these cross roads in life, when family or friends want us to do one thing because that is what is best for them, while we are trying to tear away the other because it is indeed what is best for us. All the while keeping to ourselves because we are afraid to hear from anyone and everyone because it seems that they are all against us in one way or another...when in reality there are those who care and support what you believe is best for your life, because you are the only one who knows best, but still be there to offer advise when it is seeked. There are ears out there that listen and care, some of which even can give good advise when it is seeked upon...the receiving end just has to be willing to show that vulnerability.

Brandon is HOME!!!

Well I am quite pleased with Brandon's return! There were biker guys there to welcome our boys home, others whose son has served and they come and welcome each soldier's return, and tons of family members! it was amazing we screamed and cried when they walked through those doors and boy was Brison ever excited to have daddy again!! He didn't want to let go of him, it was all so great! My batteries died in my camera so I only was able to get a few pictures, but they are good ones...

anxious for daddy
all smiles!
taking it all in
lovin' it
goofing around

Brandon comes home tomorrow!

Well I guess we will see if my post of "This is how it should always be" is true, Brandon's plane arrives tomorrow night at 9pm with him and some of the other guys in his unit. I have no clue if they will be dressed in their fatigues or in civilian clothes, either way we will have banners and flags and balloons so people will know just who is arriving!!! I get all teary eyed just thinking about him walking through those doors, he's been gone for almost a year and hasn't seen is baby since he was in diapers and now he is all potty trained and a big boy! I'll keep ya posted with pics and whether or not I'm disappointed with the airport scene!!

Trying to Figure out my Life...

Ok I really know that I am a women when my mind changes on a daily basis! I think and think and think about the same thing all day every day and can't seem to bring it all into one neat little package of mindset... This baby's face is what I feel like! I have no clue where things are going or what is going to happen, that is the GREAT thing about college AND family! I really thought that my life had neatly fallen into place all by itself, then suddenly my neat planned out life in a box was turned upside down and is beeing shaken empty, it is such a wonderful feeling! Love is wonderful, that isn't the issue, it is where school is leading me and where my family is trying to drag me...

Anyways the sermon today preached on worry and complaining, yes it sounds as if I'm complaining up above, and I am slightly, however currently my mind is at ease and I have a game plan in mind, lets see if that stays that way after tonight. After all I am a woman and with that intitled to change my mind...constantly.

This is how it should always be!

Come on home Brandon! Along with all the other troops across seas! We love you and thank you for all you do! We're so PROUD!

Love

All the money in the world could not replace the feeling I get when I'm around the man I love and have loved for 7 years, 2 months, and 7 days! Every breath we breathe, move we make, word we speak, and step we take, it is in sync. Everything is done in love and we are continually taking our individual moves into thought on how it will affect the other... which can bring sacrifices of our own wants and needs while in the end it will benefit the both of us. After all this time together, I still can't get enough of him! It's crazy and amazing all at the same time.

The issues others bring up about our relationship actually work for us! So why do others see it as an issue? Well it's simply because they are not us and do not nor do they see everything that goes on around us or inside our hearts. Simply said, things are not always going to be 50/50 in all aspects of concern...amongst other things that are continuously brought up in casual conversation. All in all we have made it through the hardest of times, battling friends, outsiders, and even family at times. Yeah we have chosen different routes than others but in the end I think that our road of choice has made for a smoother ride and greener pastures in the end!

This is our song and always will be: for you and only you baby!

YOU'RE STILL THE ONE (Shania Twain)

When I first saw you, I saw love.

And the first time you touched me, I felt love.

And after all this time,

you're still the one I love.

Looks like we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

We mighta took the long way

We knew we'd get there someday

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)

You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to

You're still the one I want for life

(You're still the one)

You're still the one that I love

The only one I dream of

You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothin' better

I'm glad we didn't listen

Look at what we would be missin

They said, "I bet they'll never make it"

But just look at us holding on

We're still together still going strong

(You're still the one)

You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to

You're still the one I want for life

(You're still the one)

You're still the one that I love

The only one I dream of

You're still the one I kiss good night

(You're still the one)

You're still the one I run to

The one that I belong to

You're still the one I want for life

(You're still the one)

You're still the one that I love

The only one I dream of

You're still the one I kiss good night

I'm so glad we made it

Look how far we've come my baby

Bitchiness

Ok well these last few months have been very stressfull and frusterating between finishing my bachelors, figuring out my graduate studies, and trying to figure out what I will be doing for work this summer and next school year. I feel that I may have came off bitchy at times because of my own personal stresses, and I apologize for that! I don't mean to be that way, but stress can do that and the best of friends will be there to point it out and talk you through those irritable times. Life is complicated and just as I thought I had it all figured out God decided to laugh at me and steer me in a slightly different direction, and as I'm heading down another path I'm looking over at the other paths near me and thinking about changing again! I'm so confused at this point, do I teach elementary or single subject? Do I get my masters in math or early childhood development, or even english because that's starting to sound fun.... can my mind go in any more spastic and different ways?! I'm coming down to starting a program in 1 month and my mind is still directing itself in a variety of ways, all of which lead to teaching (thank God! I don't think I can handle a totally different change in careers!) Anyways hopefully it will all come to me, and soon please, about what it is I am supposed to do and how I am going to get there.

Amazing Grace

Easter, one of the holidays which is overlooked and under rated by many. Though I believe it is the most important, not for the bunny who hops around giving out chocolate eggs and that nonsense, but for the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus gave in order to save our wretched souls. I don't attend church often but when I do I have a better mind set and am not as negative spirited. Today for a few reasons I decided to go to church, one was that this bib. class I'm taking I have already "cheated" on things in order to just get them finished, the church visit I felt I should actually do, even though I have been there a few times in the past. So with the bib. class coming up at the end of the week, today, Easter, is my last chance for my church visit, better day than any to get up and worship right?! Oh yes, well since my church going best friend is out of town and we all know my family, so I get up and go to the service by myself, awe, nope! It was the best sermon I have listened to in a LONG while! and I swear that each and every one speak directly to me! I guess that's God's way of pounding it into my head that I need him more than just in my own selfish ways! It was amazing, all the troubles myself and others have been facing lately, answers were given to today. It was really amazing and it is truly the gift given to us by God through his son is AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound, wow, today's sermon was amazing and I am literally in awe at God and his plans for us. In fact it was so amazing that I had to buy the dvd of the sermon today just so I can have my own constant reminder that God has his own plan and I am not to try to mess around with His will or to get ahead of Him, we all need to slow down and stay a step behind in order for Him to guide us, after all that is His intention.

Stress means Stress which means Stress for ALL

I find it weird that when I am stressed out at least one other person feels it too, which in turn means not a good thing!

Bitterness starts to occur between whoever is around which just leads to pissiness, all the while nothing good is actually being accomplished and whatever needs to get done just gets put off even more...Which is NEVER good! There are tons of factors of stress and right now the main ones seem to be life in general and of course we can't leave out school, who could forget about that?! I don't think it's possible since we haven't been given even the slightest break in god knows how long. Bitter? Nah, just stressed! and right about now I feel that my hair will only do as the cat's to the right is! See stress affects all sorts of aspects of your life and for a woman, well hair is a key priority, so lets all just calm ourselves and not freak out over everything! Yep that's right I am talking to myself about calming down about all the crap in the world, will I listen, NO, but is it good that I at least acknowledge that I have a problem? Of course! The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, good girl, step one is taken care of, now if I could only reach the next million steps!

Brandon

Now that he feels there is no other way for him to support his family after deployment, he has decided to re-enlist with the Army for another 6 years. While I do have to agree with the reasons, I am still very worried about future deployments, Danisha says that he has a plan around that, but who knows with the Army. They tend to not do what is best for their men but what they want to do for themselves... I really admire his ambition and am very proud of the man he has become. Knowing he has nothing more than highschool education and refuses to go back to work for next to nothing in the oil fields, he sees his only out in re-uping with the Army, I honestly have to say that I agree and I know that of all the things he has tried for work, he enjoys the Army the most. He hates being deployed, who wouldn't, but the other aspects of it he enjoys, so I can understand the decision in mind. What it looks like for him once he is home is 3 weeks off to spend with family, surgeries for his shoulders which seem to dislocate every other day...and then working at Camp Roberts along the coast, training other soldiers for deployment. So all in all it seems ok and all the while he will continue with going through the process for Corrections, he's half way through but was sent away, so all that will start back up and hopefully he will go into the academy soon.

Ok I feel as if I'm telling his life story, sorry, I'm a proud sister, and a worried one at that! I will do anything for him to help them out, as you can see they are a cute little family trying, as we all are, to make it through these tangled webs of life.

To My Brother

Brandon is 26 years old, has a wife, Danisha 24, and a son Brison, who is 2 1/2 years old. Brandon has been in the Army National Guard for 8 years, his time was up when he was deployed for Iraq but they sent him anyways. He has been through three different deployments, luckly not all to Iraq. His first one 3 1/2 years ago was to Cuba for 10 months, during a visit in the middle of his deployment was when him and his wife, who were already living together, had gotten married and pregnant. After he was home from Cuba for good he had a couple months with his family and newborn son, he then went to the boarder where he was able to come home on the weekends, he was there for a year, he was then pulled from the boarder to go train for Iraq, he was gone for 4 months before being deployed to Bagdad. He has been there since August and will be coming home in about a month and a half, his service and time in the Army will be complete and he will be finally able to focus on his wife and child, and learn who they have become during this long absence.
You would think that knowing he will be home in less than 2 months they would be nothing but thrilled, well they are just balls of stress at this point. He is the sole bread winner for the family and his job for almost 4 years has been with the Army, coming home he's not going to have that. This should be a joyous occasion, the stressful part should be over! You'd think that after all the years he has put in serving his country and sacraficing what most won't, would be rewarded with some type of support from the army until he has had the time to gain footing in this world that is foreign to him. He has served well and has given more than most are willing, and it has all been for his family, and now once things seem to be looking up for the family to be whole, work in the regular world seems non exsistant. Our country is the best in this crazy world, but at times it seems as if they have their priorities ass backwards!
Thank you Brandon for all that you have done and have given for your family! You are an amazing brother, son, father, and husband to all those you have touched during your service and everything outside of that as well, I love you and I am more proud of you than words could ever describe!

Getting Started

Life seems to come at us all at once, not one thing at a time, which by the way would be so much easier to handle! I'm not complaining because things are great with everything right now, but for once I would just love to tackle one thing then move onto another instead of having 5 diff. things facing me and basically laughing in my face and taunting "how you gonna do this? you need to do this, this, and this, and all at the same time!" I guess thats why it's women you see working, going to school, and keeping a handle on the house, we seem to be able to multi-task, even when we don't want to. And men, well they are just a one track mind, dont ask them to atempt something when they are already doing one thing... I have recently been told, and unfortunately I have to agree, that women have pretty much screwed themselves over by wanting to get into the work world and be educated because we still have the responsibility of raising kids, holding down the fort, taking care of our husband's (who are like kids), and still do an flippin fantastic job at our careers. Not that I don't like working, I thoroughly enjoy what I do, hate going to school, but love the career path that I am headed down, and yes I want lots of little bundles of joy along the way. Think life's crazy now just wait until the babies start coming!

Anyways, I am completely loving the path ahead of me, sometimes it feels as if I am standing still until one day, bam, everything has changed and you feel like you don't even know who you are or how far you have come, that has pretty much been the past 4 years of college!

Enjoyments of Life

Love

Laughter

Companionship

Simplicity

Organization

A good book

A favorite movie

Good conversation with a friend

Luxurious walks

Play time at the park with Brison

Cuddling with Matt

Babies

Security

Memories

Faith

Hope

Piece of mind

Strength

Rest (under rated but so important!)

Innocence

Life as of Now

Even though there has been numerous complaints about school quite recently, today has been on of the best days since I have started this phase of college in over a year. That in itself is pretty darned amazing! Aside from meeting a few absolutely awesome people and gaining the best friend a girl can have, school has been basically hoops I've been jumping through while trying to get to the other side. Today was a break through! Even though I discovered I will be in school MUCH longer than I expected, I am absolutley thrilled about what lies ahead, the best part being I don't have to jump into Special Ed before I am ready! Actually the BEST part is being able to do all of my student teaching during summer school AND doing it through the BEST district ever!!! So all in all today I am thrilled about school (amazing isn't it?!) and I have the most amazing friend that has been there every step of the way, through all my doubts and concerns!
Aside from meeting a best friend and having a great support system there, I have had the most amazing support from the one person in my life who hasn't faded in and out on me over the years, my best friend and boyfriend, he has been the one pillar of light in my life that has never faded nor burnt out on me. Everything I do and have done he has been by my side 100% cheering me along and supporting me when no one else was. I love those few people who have been there and always will be there for me! Thank you guys, you know who you are.